Proverbs 31:1-21
(Show copies of women's magazine covers and point out article titles having to do with the roles of women.)
The late Erma Bombeck wrote in her book, Aunt Erma's Cope Book,
I did as I was told. I was fussy about my peanut butter, fought cavities, became depressed over yellow wax buildup ... I was responsible for my husband's underarms being protected for twelve hours. I was responsible for making sure my children had a well-balanced breakfast. I alone was carrying the burden for my dog's shiny coat ... We believed if we converted to all the products that marched before our eyes we could be the best, the sexiest, the freshest, the cleanest, the thinnest, the smartest and the first on our block to be regular. Purchasing for the entire family was the most important thing I had to do.
There does seem to be a lot of expectations for how women ought to be. (As there are for men.) Most of those expectations, as Erma Bombeck has humorously pointed out, are generated by Madison Avenue advertising agencies and the products they hype. These expectations become ingrained as if from on high and no serious reflection seems to be done about where they come from.
There are a lot of popular books out that are also trying to give women advice about how to become a real woman, an authentic woman, in today's world. Women Who Run with Wolves was on the best seller list for over a year and a half. It's a book that tells women who they are by looking at myths and folk tales. Susan Fauldi's book, Backlash, and Gloria Steinam's book, Revolution from Within were back and forth number one and number two on the best seller list several years ago. The theme of those two books was how women's self-esteem has taken a nose dive over the past 10-15 years and what needs to be done to reclaim that esteem. Steinam's recent book, Moving Beyond Words traces the evolution of political power of women, and how women need to push that evolution further.
I highlight these magazine covers and books only to make the point that there is no lack of voices out there as to how women should be. Women are constantly bombarded with messages about who they should be and how they should be it. All this comes from the media, from husbands, from girlfriends, and even ministers. My guess is, our time is probably the most confusing time to be a woman. Now with at least two women running for the presidency of the United States, those messages will become tiresome in the next couple of years.
I hope to not add too much to that confusion this morning. What I simply want to do is introduce you to three women that I admire, and the qualities I see in them that attract me to them. I will say right away that these are all personal preferences and highly subjective choices. They have nothing to do with what is the "best" whatever that is. Another person would choose other women with equally admirable qualities.
So with that disclaimer, allow me to introduce to you three women I admire.
The first of these women is Naomi. You can read about Naomi in the Biblical book of Ruth. We don't get to find out much about Naomi, but what we do find out is poignant and powerful. Hers is a sad story, really.
Because of a famine in Israel, Naomi's husband moved their little family (they had two boys) to Moab. While they were in Moab, Naomi's husband died. Her two sons grew up and married women from Moab. 10 years after their marriages, both the sons died. Naomi is left without a husband and without sons. She is left with two foreign daughters-in-law.
Naomi decided to move back to Israel in order to gain support from her family. Orpah, one of the daughters-in-law, decided to stay in Moab. But the other one, Ruth, begged Naomi to take her with her to Israel.
Naomi had every reason to leave Ruth behind. Naomi had no wealth or means of support for herself, let alone for Ruth. Being a widow was one of the lowest rungs on the social ladder. All of Naomi's wealth and property would have reverted back to her dead husbands family. She was left with nothing. If Naomi couldn't find a benevolent relative to support her, she was doomed. And Ruth with her if Ruth came to Israel with Naomi.
Secondly, Ruth was a foreigner. A Moabite. Being a widowed foreigner would have put her on a lower social rung than Naomi.
And, thirdly, Naomi had no more responsibility for Ruth. Technically, Ruth was on her own and needed to fend for herself. Naomi had no legal responsibility over her widowed daughter-in-law. When Naomi's son, who married to Ruth, died, that severed all Naomi's responsibility. So, for Naomi to take Ruth back to Israel would have been a tremendous financial and social burden and risk.
During an international chess competition many years ago, a man named Frank Marshall made what is often called the most beautiful move ever made on a chessboard. In a crucial game in which he was evenly matched with a Russian master player, Marshall found his queen under serious attack. There were several avenues of escape, and since the queen is the most important player, everyone assumed Marshall would observe convention and move his queen to safety.
Deep in thought, Marshall used all the time available to him to consider the board conditions. He picked up his queen, paused, and placed it down on the most illogical square of all--a square from which the queen could be captured by any one of three hostile pieces.
Marshall had sacrificed his queen. It was an unthinkable move, to be made only in the most desperate of circumstances. The spectators were dismayed.
But slowly the Russian and the crowd realized that Marshall had actually made a brilliant move. It was clear that no matter how the queen would be taken, his opponent would be in a losing position. Seeing the inevitable defeat, the Russian conceded the game.
That's what Naomi did in her intriguing move against all social conventionality taking Ruth with her. Naomi sacrificed what little social standing she had to embrace Ruth as her daughter. Naomi then went on to play matchmaker for Ruth. She not only helped Ruth attract and become married to a man, but from that marriage came a great grandson named David, who would become the greatest king Israel ever knew. It's a fairy tale come true for Ruth. But none of it would have happened if it wasn't for Naomi, sacrificing the queen, so-to-speak.
That's why I so admire Naomi. She's a risk taker. She stuck her neck out so far for someone else when so much was stacked against them both. She took a risk for someone who was not family--technically--and was not her tribe or nationality, and took her in. Not only took her in, but set her up to succeed in a powerful way. Naomi put herself in financial and social jeopardy for Ruth. Even if she hadn't succeeded, I would still admire her for her attempt.
Now, let me introduce you to Deborah. Deborah is also one of those women in the Bible we know very little about. Her story can be found in the 4th and 5th chapters of the book of Judges. Most of what we know about Deborah is found in two verses of chapter 4.
Deborah was a prophet, the wife of Lappidoth. She was judge over Israel at that time. She held court under Deborah’s Palm between Ramah and Bethel in the hills of Ephraim. The People of Israel went to her in matters of justice. (4,5)
Not very much, but the few words speak volumes.
Deborah was a judge and a prophet. Let that sink in if you know anything about Old Testament Jewish culture. Judges were exclusively men, and only but a small handful of women were prophets.
A judge was someone who was given authority by God and by people to administer justice. The judges were the elders of the town who would serve at the gates of the town. In order to be a judge the person had to be strong in the Lord and strong in themselves. It was the link with God that was most strategic in being a judge.
In Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment, the young murderer, Raskolnicov goes to Sonia. She is a young saint who has sold herself into prostitution to keep her step-brothers and sisters from starving. In his own despair and anguish about Sonia's situation, Raskolnicov questions her:
"So, you pray to God a great deal, Sonia?"
After a pause she whispers, "What should I be without God?"
"And what does God do for you?" Raskolnicov demands.
Sonia is silent for a long time, as though she cannot answer. Tears fill her eyes. "He does everything," she whispered quickly.
That is the kind of relationship with God that the judges of Israel had--one where they knew God was and does everything.
Also a judge had to be someone approachable--someone others are drawn to who know they'll be listened to and treated with respect. Dr. David Schwartz, in his book, The Magic of Thinking Big, wrote, "Big people monopolize listening. Small people monopolize the talking." So a judge was a listener, and because they listened their judgments were fair.
Deborah was able to use her spiritual strength to arouse the unity of the people around their loyalty to God and against the threat of the Canaanites. That is what people recognized the most in her and drew people to her (including myself). God was with her in a powerful way. It is for that reason I admire Deborah, and find myself drawn to women like her in whom I sense a deep spiritual quality and the powerful presence of God.
And lastly, there is Miriam. She, like Deborah, was a prophet. She was a sister to Moses and Aaron. She was with Moses and Aaron as the Hebrew slaves made their exodus out of Egypt. She saw Moses lead the people out of Egypt, into the wilderness, away from Egyptian taskmasters. She saw the Red Sea pushed back by the hand of God and she like the other Hebrew people walked across on dry land.
Once across, Moses led the people in a song of triumph. And then Miriam, caught up in the Spirit, took her tambourine and danced and sang and led a parade of women in celebration to God.
Because Miriam is described as a prophet, we are alerted to the fact that this was a sacred celebration. Like King David's dancing processional before the Ark of the Covenant as it was led into Jerusalem. Like King Saul, who after he was anointed King of Israel, got caught up in a similar ecstatic procession of dancing prophets. Such dancing and singing and tambourine playing was considered a highly spiritual and sacred act of celebration. Indeed, being a celebrative person in that way confirmed God's spiritual hold on you.
Gertrud Mueller Nelson wrote in her book, To Dance with God,
Some years ago, I spent an afternoon caught up in a piece of sewing I was doing. The waste basket near my sewing machine was filled with scraps of fabric cut away from my project. This basket of discards was a fascination to my daughter Annika, who, at the time, was not yet four years old. She rooted through the scraps searching out the long bright strips, collected them to herself, and went off. When I took a moment to check on her, I tracked her whereabouts to the back garden where I found her sitting in the grass with a long pole. She was affixing the scraps to the top of the pole with great sticky wads of tape. "I'm making a banner for a procession," she said. "I need a procession so that God will come down and dance with us." With that she solemnly lifted her banner to flutter in the wind and slowly she began to dance.
My three year old was not a particularly precocious toddler. I think, rather, that she was doing what three year olds do when left to their natural and intuitive religious sense and I was simply fortunate to hear and see what she was about ... This little (child) allowed me to witness a holy moment and I learned all over again how strong and real is that sense of wonder that children have--how innate and easy their way with the sacred. Here, religion was child's play. And of course I had to wonder what happens in our development that as adults we become a serious folk...
I admire Miriam for her free celebration of the goodness of God and the goodness of life. I admire Miriam for her childlike sensitivity to what pure and true worship is: a celebration--a hand clapping, tambourine banging, parading celebration. I admire Miriam for not holding back, for not being so serious and stodgy, for not being glued to the pew, for not being so narrow, for allowing herself to be caught up in the wonder and celebration of a saving God. Miriam knows how to celebrate. I admire women like her, who not only know how to celebrate, but are in themselves celebrative people.
There are many other women I admire. They are there in the pages of the Bible and we know so little about them. And there are others--women whom I know who aren't in the Bible, but ought to be. If we were collecting stories to put in a sequel to the Bible, I know some women whose stories I'd include. And may God rise up more women, throughout history to come, who evoke admiration from the people of their time.
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