Romans 14:1-12 (The Message)
Quick. Think of one person, right now, you want to change or are trying to change.
My guess is that a majority of you thought of your spouse. If there is anyone people are most likely to make a project out of, it's a spouse. "I know he or she is not perfect," people think to themselves (or say out loud to a friend), "but I know I can change him or her." And usually that's when the resistance sets in. Anytime anyone feels like someone is making them their pet project, they begin building walls of self-protection. Which then ramps up the activity of the one who is working the project.
In the Calvin and Hobbes cartoon, Calvin is continually trying to change his father into the father of his own image. Here are a couple of cartoons of how Calvin is working his "Dad Project:"
Why are we always trying to turn someone else into our project? Why do we think we should be in charge of someone else's life—or maybe a lot of someone else's—that we think we know better how they should be living their lives? It's a bit arrogant, isn't it? And usually a waste of time.
In these words from Paul towards the end of his letter to the Romans, he gives us four reasons why we should not be wasting our time trying to make someone else our pet project.
First, Paul says in verse one, "…they have their own history to deal with."
Here's what that means to me. Life is about stories. We each have our own. We are not living another person's story, nor is anyone living ours. Other people might be characters in our stories, and we can allow that to happen or not to happen. But others, who are characters in our story, should not become our own story. That is how we build and hold on to our individuality—by writing our own story.
History is the past. History is the story we have already written in our lives that we can not go back and rewrite. It has been lived. It is done.
But with the past, it is not just the events of our past that influence us and make up our history. It is also the meanings we have placed on those events. What they mean to us and for us. Someone else may look at our past and the meanings we put on those events and say, "That's not what that experience meant; instead it should mean this." Or they may try to tell us, "This event really has more, or different, meanings than you put on it." Others may try to force us rewrite, reshape, or "remean" our past, but ultimately it is our past, our history, our meanings.
And the little word "own" in this verse intrigued me. "…they have their own history to deal with." There are two meanings for the word own. The first is like when we want to get across the sense of our own individuality—our singularity.
And the other sense of the word own has to do with letting others know this is mine. "I own this." So when you think of it, everyone owns their singular history. No one else owns it, or gets to take it over for their own purposes. You own it. Or, because you own it, you can choose to get rid of your history. What does that mean?
You can try to cut yourself off from your past.
You can try to rewrite your past. That is, choose new meanings for the events of your past.
Or, you can start a new future that is not a part of the stream of your past.
But the point is, as Paul wrote, everyone has a history, and it is their own history, and we are not in charge of anyone's history but our own.
Secondly, Paul wrote in verse five, "…each person is free to follow the convictions of conscience…"
The context here has to do with holy days. There seemed to be two streams of thought amongst the Christians here. One, there are holy days, special days set apart for specific celebrations. The other camp was that all days are holy.
Take our celebrations of Christmas and Easter, for example. Christmas is based on the solar calendar and the Winter Solstice. So it is the same day every year. Easter is based on the lunar calendar and thus moves around to different dates. Why isn't Easter like Christmas in that it's the same date every year? And based on some of the details in the Christmas story, Jesus' birth probably happened in the Springtime. Neither are the authentic dates of Jesus' birth or Resurrection. So they are holy days to Christians because of what we celebrate, not because of an actual date.
But to others, every day should be a celebration of the Resurrection. Every day is a new day to be alive, to celebrate the new life we have in Christ, to take each day as a day to be reborn and renewed. Every new morning is to remember that first Easter morning and what Christ did for us in walking out of that tomb reborn. Alive from death.
Who’s to say which of these perspectives is the right one? Is it not a matter of conscience, as Paul wrote? Is it not a privilege of personal perspective? Who are we to judge what a person is supposed to believe in these kinds of matters? What if it is not a matter of either/or but both/and?
Thirdly, Paul wrote in verse seven, "It is God we are answerable to." We are not each other's master. Only God gets to do that. The context has to do with coming to the Lord's Table. Paul accuses the Roman Christians of interfering with God's welcome to the table.
One of our beliefs that I cherish the most is that we celebrate what's called the open table. That is, we do not say you have to have certain qualifications to come to the Table and take Communion. This is the Lord's Table. How can we refuse anyone who feels the urge and prompting of God to come to this table and accept the bread and the cup? The invitation is for God to make, not ours. If you sense God's invitation to come, come! You are not answerable to the church at this table—or for anything for that matter. We are only answerable to God in all things.
To make that point even further, Paul wrote that there will come the day when all of us will be "…kneeling side-by-side..facing God." Notice Paul says we will all be kneeling. It is not that some will be standing, as if they are better than.
Kneeling has to do with humility. Humility is the only way to come into God's presence. Remember Jesus' parable of the praying Pharisee and the praying tax collector? The Pharisee stood and prayed to himself. The tax collector knelt in the corner, beat his chest in abject humility while he prayed to God. All those listening to Jesus' parable would have thought to themselves the Pharisee's prayer, both the words and the posture, were magnificent. But Jesus said it was the tax collector, kneeling in the corner who went home accepted and embraced by God, not the Pharisee.
God is the one we are answerable to and God alone. We do not get to have that kind of sway over another person's life either through judgement or praise.
And lastly, Paul says we should not make another person our project because, "You've got your hands full just taking care of your own life before God" (verse 12). Ain't that the truth!
Notice, Paul wrote, "…your own life before God." Not just your life, but how your life is "before God." We need to realize taking care of our own life before God is a full-time, 24/7, everyday job. So, if you have any time free from that task, you are not living correctly. If you are not dealing with yourself before God, all the time, and using up your time trying to run other people's lives, you are doing it wrong.
It is not just about trying to manage other people's lives all the time. It is also making the false assumption you know what is best for others and running their lives accordingly. Which always ends up not working out very well. The only one you are in charge of is yourself. And as Paul wrote, that should be your full time project, making sure your life is completely before God.
If you allow others to live their lives before God, in God's ways, and taking care of your own life before God, then living becomes about celebrating—celebrating what God is doing in and with each of our lives, because that is what is more important. Life is not about making someone else your project, molding them into your image, but instead giving that task over to God, trusting God to work as God wills, and then celebrating what God does in each of us, for each of us.
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